Bangkok Bonanza

If someone asks me, "How was Bangkok?" My answer would in "F" letter word.
"F stands for Funny, Frustrating and Fashionable. What were you thinking?"

While reading this travelogue, if you are expecting the juicy stories, then
let me warn you. I had written some spicy stuff, but they censored my
article before I could send it.... ;-) Nevertheless, it transcribes all the
fun and frustration that one comes across living and working in the city...

You can smell Bangkok in the flight itself. All the announcements were made
in English like language and I had trouble understanding what they have to
say. I knew then, living here wont be that easy and language trouble is
going to haunt me everywhere during my stay.

Now, I know, among other things, why Europeans hang out with a Thai lady by
their side. Obviously, I didn't have liberty and intentions of doing so....
;-). I had to find out my own ways of dealing with lingo gap....

My gut feeling of lingo problem was confirmed at every step of my
interaction with the local people. As rightly said, you get most affected
when your stomach is affected. You guessed it right, food became a cause
concern soon after I landed.

In every ingredient from the menu, I saw pork, shrimp and beef. I thought of
going safe.

"Can I have a vegetarian fried rice?"
"Chicken should be ok rite."
"No chicken, no meat that's vegetarian."
"Fish will do."
"No seafood please."
"Ok, just putting egg."
"I thought, I said vegetarian. Only veggies please."
I got a plate of steamed rice and some boiled vegetables in the bowl.
"Some gravy please."
"What's that M'dam?"
"Liquid in vegetables."
She poured soup in it and boiled vegetables started swimming in the soup. I
was short of words to explain to her edible food in the wake of hungry
stomach. I started to eat. But, I wasn't on the no man's land, so some salt
would have made it somewhat edible.
"Some salt please."
She never returned.

Now, I know, why vegetarian food is called as Ghaas Phuss in hindi. My
Vietnamese colleague listening to our conversation had a question mark on
his face. "Vegetarian food means no chicken and fish is it?"
"Yeah! Vegetarian means vegetables only." For him, food without meat was
impossible to visualize. And, with handful of boiled vegetables swimming
hopelessly in the soup was enough to raise his attention. He has a reason to
worry of our project now.
"Hey, how would you survive with this food? How do you get strength without
meat?" I was little offended; "You need to come with me to an Indian
restaurant sometime to see what wonders we do with vegetarian food and how
tasty it is." For someone, who swears by pork and seafood, got enough of
cultural shock with first show of "Vegetarian Food". "Umm! I will someday."
He was too polite to say no.

I realized that Thai food outside Thailand is much better unless, you
exactly know what to order in Thailand. Well, I did get my strength soon,
after I figured out many Indian restaurants in the vicinity and learnt to
know what to order in Thai Food. My Vietnamese colleague didn't waste his
time to learn in Thai what to call a beautiful girl... :-). Everyone's
priorities were clear...


I thought, let me have a look at the basic model of a mobile for parents. I
asked the lady at the counter,
"Tell me the cost of 3310?"
She showed me a nice calculator and demonstrated it by typing on it.
"Excuse me, I am looking for a mobile."
She typed 3600 on it. I thought, may be she wants to confirm the model
number. I retyped, 3310.
"M'adam, Can Not."
"Oh! You don't have the model?"
" No No! Model can."
"You mean you have the model?"
"Yeah!"
"What is the price of the model?" She gave me a blank look that made me
frustrated. Now, I thought of going easy with English.
"What Cost?"
"Ohhhh!" she exclaimed with excitement seeing my interest in buying and
gathering we are talking of the same thing for the first time. She typed
3500 on calculator. I realized, she is trying to tell me the cost on the
calculator. I liked this way of conversing; at least I can get rid of those
blank looks. I minused 500, and gave her my bargain.
"Can not, M'dam", she added 250.

After some counter typing on the calculator, we settled for one price.

"Show mobile." I can't believe it; I started talking in their language of
key words. Eventually, I did not like the model as every mobile out there
had Thai alphabets on it. But, It taught me calculator mode of bargain,
which I will be using extensively throughout my stay.


On my outstation assignments, I normally travel by taxis and taxi drivers
are integral part of my travel experiences. I converse a lot with them, as I
believe that taxi drivers exactly know the pulse of the city. They have an
ocean of knowledge to tell you the best of places to hang out and modes to
visit the places. Here, the case was different. I used to carry my office
address in Thai, and would show them and they will take me to the place
quietly. There was a zero communication during my entire journey. It was
rather difficult for me to keep quiet so long for 2 hours without doing
anything. Sooner, I found out that English FM radio station plays some good
songs. I had a solution to make my journey pleasurable by asking the driver
to switch on English FM Radio105. That's where the fun lied, how to tell the
driver?

Every time, I would show my address and sit in taxi. Asking to put radio on
paper would be too impersonal, and they might turn down the offer. I would
then start with,
"Can you switch on the radio?"
Blank look.
"Music."
More blank.
"Song."
He is not even paying attention to me.
Excuse me. Now screaming loudly pointing at the speakers behind, and action
with hand. "Some songs?"
"Yes."
He would put the radio on.
"Thank god."
"It's a Thai channel."
Ordeal still continues.
"Put, One, Zero, five."
He would hurriedly turn on some other frequency.
Still, a Thai channel.
I say, "now action with my fingers, one, zero, five."
He didn't quite see that.
Now I ask him to look for the action with my fingers at the mirror in front
of the driver's seat. And put the action, "One Zero, Five."
"Okkk." He would smile.
He would manage to put the right channel that will put smile on my face. I
realized, I have risked my life for turning drivers attention on a silly
thing as radio. Never mind, mission accomplished. Very, religiously and with
every taxi driver, I followed this routine, morning and evening to and fro
office for one and a half months. Very rarely, any taxi driver understood my
attempt to get channel 105 in the first attempt.



Normally, our meeting with users and client for business understanding are
monotonous. We understand the process, and would put that on the board and
they agree and disagree to few points. This was my first meeting with 6
users. I put forward my presentation, trying to explain them every detail on
the board. I asked them if they had any questions? I was happy that no one
had any questions, that means whatever I have understood is correct. Wait!
Just to confirm, I asked questions. Silence. I declared, "I am starting my
work."
Someone started to say something in Thai. I tried understanding the matter
gathering few English words here and there. But, I could not. I was lost.
Then, entire team started conversing in Thai and me gazing at the sealing.
Eventually, I started biting my nails and do every other act that a fish in
the new pond will do. I happen to look into the mirror in front of me and
horrified to see the blank look on my face. It was the same look on the face
of Thai people that would drive me crazy. I could empathize with them for
the first time. Suddenly, I saw people giggling. I wondered, are they
laughing at me?
"Ooops! What's going on?" I finally said. My coordinator was embarrassed
that I am left alone in the Thai discussion. He mentioned to me that they
were discussing about a particular issue. I smiled ok, you guys continue and
do call me after you make a final decision. Not to mention, I immediately
left the room saying, I am going to take my cup of coffee. Later on I told
my coordinator, I will be explaining you the things and you conduct another
meeting with your people and let me know of all your decisions. He
understood. Later, whenever, I had to interact with other users, I would
take this coordinator as my translator. For the first time, I was so glad
that British ruled us for hundreds of years.

It's not very comfortable, for a girl talking of another girl. But, talking
of Thailand and not talking of girl would leave my travelogue incomplete.
Thai girls seem to be fond of fashion and accessories. They cant resist the
temptation of dressing in latest fashionable outfits with matching
accessories, as if they are ready to party anytime. This is supported with
garment industry prominently prevalent in Thailand and you can get an exact
replica of "Versace or Von Dutch" brand on the road. When I asked at the
client's place, what is the dress code for the office, client told me that
there is no dress code and you can wear semi casual clothes on any day.
Girls are normally decked up exquisitely at any point of time, no matter if
they are selling shrimps on the roadside stall. They exactly know why a
foreigner is in Bangkok and art of seducing and selling comes naturally to
them. In many shops, girls pester a person to their level best until, a
person actually buys something from their shop. Since, Thai guys have to
compulsorily attend Army Training for three years, they lose three crucial
years of work experience or education. That's why, you find most of the top
executives and star performers are ladies in all organizations. It was quite
contrary to the image that it carries.

In spite of all the funny and frustrating incidents, Bangkok rocks. City
never sleeps and nightlife is awesome. I have never seen any city so vibrant
and happening. You can shop till you drop, and you will surely empty your
purse on your way back. Its a tourist destination by all means and designed
for bachelors to have fun of their life...